deleterius: Clipart spork, metallic. (Agent Dawn McKenna)
[personal profile] deleterius
The following material was compiled sometime before January 2010, and has been categorized for ease of reading. It all comes from the now-deleted community called Deleterius, and was saved in a document on my computer (labelled 'notesquotesdeleterius', if you're curious.) I believe there are more quotes hiding somewhere; if I find them, I'll add them in. If anyone else has surviving material—quotes, reports, anything—feel free to either send it to me to add in or post it somewhere yourself and add a link to the list here.


Kelly

In this case, Harry instantly believes that Kelly is his sister, despite having been told all his life that he was an only child. He does not appear even to spring to the much more reasonable conclusion, that she is yet another plot of Voldemort.

*

Annoying Special Abilities: *grinds teeth* "wandless magic, apparation, animagi, high ranking healing, I have special permission on those things." Plus, she's a parselmouth.

*

In this case, Harry would surely have heard if his mother had borne a daughter out of wedlock; it would have been the kind of thing the Dursleys would have delighted in taunting him with.


Assassins

Why are assassins always being marked? Isn't the idea of being an assassin is that no one knows you're an assassin? And what good is having an assassin's mark going to do for you anyway?

Ehhh...that actually can depend upon from which source you're drawing. In Morrowind, assassins operate in open, albeit low-key, fashion, being hired to perform honorable murders sanctioned by a running Guild.


On Suethors and Sueish Racism: a Conversation (or most of it)

(Incidentally, if you ever want to frustrate a Suethor, ask her why her Sue needs to be a Tenth Walker. After all, Aragorn is eighty-seven and he's a magnificent warrior, and Boromir is in his forties and he's no slouch at battle either. Boromir saves Merry and Pippin, as well as himself (spiritually, anyway), fighting the orcs, so the Sue's not needed for that. Legolas is already great with a bow; Gimli's excellent with an axe. Gandalf's a wizard; he's already got the Mines of Moria covered, and shortly after that, the Fellowship splits up, so another magic user isn't necessary, any more than another warrior is. Frodo's the Ringbearer. Sam, Pippin and Merry are his friends. Really, what's the POINT of her?

(It drives them nuts...and not just the fact that the Sue is unnecessary but also that Aragorn is OMG ICKY OLD and that Boromir redeems himself by fighting and dying for the hobbits. They don't like those concepts at all.)


*

He’s only good enough to go because he’s a hobbit of the slightly Elvish variety? (Fallohide)

Sues are almost always racists, have you noticed? There's always some comment about how rare it is for an elf a Sue to love or befriend one of the humans, who were so much less beautiful and so much more prone to flaws than Elves were. Men are ambitious, dwarves are greedy, hobbits are gluttons...only Elves are perfect. And in the Potterverse, it's the same thing, though there the emphasis is on purebloodedness, not on personality or strengths or virtues. I really, really get tired of that.

My problem is with authors who don't like a character and then try to torch them in their stories without even bothering to consider their merit. (If the character has NO merit, it's a little more forgivable, but I prefer my authors as neutral as possible.)

*

It isn't even always about torching the characters; Boomer and Farmer are more the fanon versions. Boomer is the stupid, evil, corrupt misogynist who exists basically to show how clever, strong, capable and good the Sue is. In the mind of a Suethor, Boromir MUST be evil, because he's tempted by the Ring. It never crosses their minds that everyone is tempted by the Ring, and that that's the point--that no one, no matter how brave or valiant, is immune.

And yes, Suethors tend to dislike Boromir for being, well, fallible. But they don't dislike Faramir, and yet they distort him just as badly. They take a brave and good man who is doing his level best against unending enemies from Gondor and the resentment of his liege lord father who's been half-maddened by the palantir and by grief for his favorite son...and they turn him into Farmer, the tragic emo abused incestuous anorexic suicidal rape-victim/cutter with a womb.

And I've seen I couldn't tell you how many Faux!Faramirs exactly like that being praised as being "so true to canon!" GROAN.


asked a Suethor that once.

She took it pretty well, actually. There were a number of e-mails back and forth about this; she didn't want her character to be invasive or useless. She wanted to improve. And she did. She left off being a Suethor about three years ago.

Her friends were a different story. They were very angry, and most of them made the criticism all about them. I remember one swearing that if she got to Middle-Earth, she'd be translating "Elvish" for the hobbits, because she'd taught herself "the Elvish language." She was very surprised when I told her that a) there were two "Elvish languages" (she'd never heard of Quenya; she'd learned Grelvish from the Ultima Online sites), and that b) the people in Middle-Earth didn't speak English. (She'd never heard of Westron, either.)

She was distraught. "You destroyed my dream!"

I told her that nothing was stopping her from dreaming. The problem was that daydreams didn't always translate well into fan fiction, because anything can happen in daydreams. Canonical worlds--they have rules built in. Some things work; some things don't.

She went off sniffling. *sigh*


Oh, Sues are HIDEOUSLY racist.
I think it might be less racism, more that the Sue is so totally omg-speshul-sparklypoo, so whatever race he/she is MUST be uber-special and beautiful. Unfortunately, it comes out as exactly the same thing as racism.

I'm pretty sure that, like, seventy-odd percent of racism is comprised of belief in one's own superiority, rather than any problem with a specific race.

I hate Suethors that claim research, because...well...it doesn't take much to find out that the extent of their research was finding out who is a) the most powerful, b) the most beautiful, and c) who has the most tragic past. Then they throw them all together.


On Sue Names and Heredity and the Flaws Therein

Isn't Lewen Elvish for 'you girl'? Who named her, Tarzan?

Also, isn't this the Suethor who found her story on Worst of the Worst and then went onto the counter's forums to complain that if she wasn't allowed to cram her Sue into Arwen's family tree, where else was she supposed to put her? Because either the elven population of Middle-earth has seriously diminished, or the Sue being a part of elven nobility is really, really important, so that she can be called Lady This or Princess That, and wear pretty, pretty dresses and shiny jewelry, and be just the right maiden, status-wise, to marry the Crown Prince Legolas Greenleaf of Mirkwood, who's the heir to the throne of King Thranduil, who's desperately in need of heirs and heirs' heirs because, as an elven king, it's totally realistic to expect him to keel over and die any day now.


An Excerpt from Harry and Ron's MST of a Sue Named Emily

(Harry is in green, Ron is in red)

“I don’t want to be everyone’s savior but I can’t do anything about it, Voldemort will be out to kill me no matter what.” Harry said unhappily, as he lay against the wall. Emily thought for a moment.

“What if Voldemort left you alone?” Emily asked softly. Harry smiled softly. Oh god, I’m getting flashbacks to the fic where everyone talks softly except Remus.

“I would leave the Wizarding World and probably open up a coffee shop only using magic every once in a while. Living a normal life maybe having a loving wife and kids one day.” Harry said hopefully until he remembered his place. The smile fell and the tears came rolling back. Emily sighed. She did not like seeing anyone in this condition. She knew that Dumbledore would never let Harry escape.

You what?!
I have no idea.
Your dream is to leave the magical world and open a coffee shop??
I have a dream. My dream is that one day black coffee and white coffee will live side by side, free from the tyranny of Dumbledore, and... yeah, yeah, tasteless, sorry.


Excerpts from the MST of Raven the Sue

“The problem is I don’t really understand it myself. I only know a limited amount of information. All I know is that apparently Harry is my twin brother.” Hermione and Ginny both gasped and just stared at Raven dumbfounded.

Hermione was the first to recover and started spluttering “What? How? That can’t be possible. I mean wouldn’t have Dumbledore have tried to find you and tell you? Why would he let you become a Death Eater?”

“I don’t know the answer to that. I’m sure that he knew, but he must have had his reasons for not telling me. I think he tried once, but I never payed much attention to anything he said to me. I was under the impression at that point that he was the enemy so I stayed away from him. I really am sorry about that now because now I know that he was trying to protect me from myself and others.”

(That's actually a really hilarious visual. Here's how I see this playing out:
Dumbledore: “Raven, there is something very important I want to tell you—”
Sue: “Dude, do you realize how crooked your nose is? What happened there?”
Dumbledore: “Raven, I have little doubt that you've been raised to hate me, but—”
Sue: “Was it plastic surgery gone wrong?”
Dumbledore: “—But it is very important that you trust me.”
Sue: “Have you sued?”
Dumbledore: “...The Death Eaters who raised you are not your birth parents, Raven.”
Sue: “It's pretty epic. I would sue.”
Dumbledore: “Are you listening to me, Raven? You were kidnapped.”
Sue: “I mean, surely it makes it hard for you to get girls. Is that why you're still single?”
Dumbledore: “...*sigh*... Raven, please pay attention. You were stolen from your real parents so that Voldemort could use you as his spy.”
Sue: “Or would you even know? I read an article in Witch Weekly once that said you liked guys. Is that true?”
Dumbledore: “My private life is of little consequence right now. You've been lied to, Raven. Is this sinking in? Voldemort kidnapped you after he killed your birth parents.”
Sue: “I wouldn't tell anyone, you know.” *crosses fingers*
Dumbledore: “...You are the second child of Lily and James Potter, Raven.”
Sue: “Either way, I don't imagine that boys like crooked noses anymore than girls do.”
Dumbledore: “Harry is your twin brother, Raven.”
Sue: “Draco would probably hate it if I had a crooked nose.”
Dumbledore: “Have you even listened to a word of this, Raven? You aren't who you think you are, and if you continue on the path you're on now, you're only going to hurt yourself and everyone you care about.”
Sue: “...Maybe I should break Pansy's nose...”
Dumbledore: *facepalm* “I'll be in my office whenever you're ready to talk about this, Raven.” *exits, stage right*
Draco: *enters, stage left* “Hey, Raven! I saw you talking to Dumbledore. What was that about?”
Sue: *shrugs* “He told me that he's gay and apparently he's really sensitive about his nose.”
Draco: “I think that Father mentioned that, once...”)


*

“That would be my business, not yours. Night boys!” The four boys watched the witch go up and disappear on the stairs. You see, Godric Gryffindor installed the last door on the Boys’ Dormitories, then realized that he had installed exactly 9,748 doors as of that day, and he was quite bored of them. He wanted to do something more interesting with the Girls’ Dorms. So he thought... and thought... and thought... and he couldn’t come up with anything. So instead he just installed some weird teleportation thing that makes them disappear from the stairs and reappear in their room. He was never entirely satisfied with it, but he figured that it was better than another damn door.


Snape/Sue Fics and My New (Old) Headcanon

And then Professor Dumbledore walked in.

I don't know why, but that made me laugh so hard. All these horrible Snape/Sue fics should end that way!

"Oh Snape, who does not have greasy hair or a big hooked nose or crooked yellow teeth, I wuv you SO MUCH!"
"Oh Sue-of-the-week, I wuv you too!"

And then Professor Dumbledore walked in.
THE END


*

There are a couple of little plot holes like that in the books, but usually it's because stuff got added later that didn't fit 100% with the earlier books. But the song isn't one of those things! My only theory is that maybe Snape put a memory charm on everyone because he couldn't take it any more.


A Snippet from an MST By 'M' and 'BD', or In Which Harry Smirks

Smirking slightly Harry looked up from his clothing, looking towards the sky to see if any owls were coming, and when he noticed that not a single owl was coming his way; he knew that

M: A flock of owls was called a ‘parliament’.

his wandless magic wasn’t traceable by the Ministry.

BD: Except for when it traced Dobby’s magic in Chamber of Secrets, and he used no wand and wasn’t human. It appears that the Ministry traces the manifestation of magic, whether is created by wand or not.


Bad Guys and a Sue Named Cherry, aka Ideas DawnFire Wanted to Write

Dark magic and evil seem to go hand in hand with black and blood red. I want to see a bad guy in pastels.

*

The moment where Cherry wakes up and tries to pretend it was all a dream could have been quite touching in the hands of a better author.


A Comment By Brightshadow (aka DawnFire). Witness the Incredulous Use of Three Exclamation Points!

Lily and James Potter allegedly (non-canonly) left their son to about fifteen people...and a ONE-YEAR-OLD GIRL!!! SUSAN Bones is in Harry's year!!! I mean, really:

Lily: Who should we leave the care of Harry to, James?
James: Hm...how about Susan Bones?
Lily: Susan Bones? Isn't she Amelia Bones' niece?
James: Yeah, I think so...why?
Lily: Well, isn't she...Harry's age?
James: Eh, I'm sure she's very mature. Let's just put her name in our will, yeah?
Lily: If you say so...but I still think--
James: Just write it, will you? I want to finish this thing already.
Lily: *rolls eyes* Yes, dear.

...Yeah. That's my take on it.
And another little scene:

Mrs. Bones: Oh look, Susan dear, you have a letter!
Susan: *gurgles*
Mrs. Bones: You've...oh my! I don't believe it! Susan, you've been given custody of Harry Potter!
Susan: Hawwy Poh-er?
Mrs. Bones: Yes, dear, Harry Potter...well, I--I'm afraid we can't do that, it asks for your signature, and you can't write yet! You can't even talk properly yet! In fact, I don't really think you're old or mature enough to be a foster-mother yet! No offense, of course, dear. Well, I suppose I'll have to write to the Ministry and explain...But I do wonder what Lily and James Potter were thinking, giving custody of their son to a one-year-old?

And from that, we go back to the first little sequence. (~Brightshadow)


The End! (for now...)

Divisions are approximate, but hopefully accurate. Nothing has been edited, beyond the divisions. If you know who wrote any of these, please feel free to tell me, as I have no idea, and I'll attribute it. Other than that, hope you enjoyed!

~DawnFire

Date: 2013-05-14 02:41 am (UTC)
ext_100881: Laura Roslin and Bill Adama, cartoon style. (ben barnes: voldemort you tart)
From: [identity profile] lily-winterwood.livejournal.com
I've got the sporkings from my time on deleterius if you want 'em.

Date: 2013-05-14 09:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dawnfire360.livejournal.com
Yes. *Please*.

That would be awesome! Send them over, or give me links (depending on what format you've got them in--if they're posted on your lj, just give me the links and I'll add them into the post; if they're saved in a doc, then email them or share them on gdocs, or something, and I'll...make a Deleterius masterpost, actually.)

Wonderful! Reconstructing Deleterius (as much as is possible) is going to be fun.

Do you think maybe Tawaki still has his sporkings? Oh, wait, I think maybe I'll post on the Board and call for any surviving material--that may be a better idea.

~DF

Date: 2015-01-21 03:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tawaki.livejournal.com
What's your e-mail? In addition to some of my sporks from Deleterius and the late Sues in Space, I also have four Topaz-and-Annatar sporks, some of Enelya Linde's sporks, and Karakatarakus' spork with the Delgado Master and the Third Doctor

Date: 2015-02-03 01:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dawnfire360.livejournal.com
My email is dawnfire360(at)gmail(dot)com

Send it all! I think I already have some of it (which I'm still putting up), though I don't know whether it truly overlaps or not. Feel free to send everything, though, I can always just check for repeats!

~DF

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