deleterius: Clipart spork, metallic. (Agent Dawn McKenna)
[personal profile] deleterius
Legolas with spleen and pancreas

Story Or Series Title: Beautiful Shame
Fandom: Cannibal!Legolas' Fandom of DOOM
Culprit Author's Name: Erik'sSexyKitty
Full Name (plus titles if any): Arimina, "'Mina"
Full Species(es): Erm... Human?
Hair Color (include adjectives): Unknown
Eye Color (include adjectives): Unknown
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Ehhh... chains?
Special Possessions (if any): A horrid past
Annoying Origin: Some king kidnapped her and that's where we come in...
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Rescued by Legolas and Aragorn. Snork.
Annoying Special Abilities: Evading said sicko king?
Other Annoying Traits: None... yet...

[DawnFire's note: lightly NSFW due to the sporker talking about internal organs that are no longer internal. No real gore, though, hence 'lightly'.]

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

She couldn’t remember how long she had been there. Four, five months. She was losing perspective from lack of nutrients realistic characters and canon. Inserts Paragraph here:

Flashback And another paragraph here:

“‘Mina come in it’s getting late and father calls.” And another:

“Tell father I’m coming to kill Neru.” Oh, look, another paragraph!

The sound of hoof beats filled the air and both whirled around in fear of what they might see. “‘Mina, run! ‘Mina, you must run, please” Neru shouted. Finally she turned into a kittiweasel with pure terror written in German in her eyes and started to run as fast as her legs could carry, but to her dismay the white riders of Beterli Umm…. weren’t far behind. Time for another paragraph…

End Flashback Time for another… I’m losing count.

Then she jerked her head up. Someone was coming down the stairs. She watched with great intent and very slowly did a man appear. He yelled in another tongue, that of the InWitch, so dark and mysterious that she couldn’t understand it. Because the InWitch were very dark and mysterious. Fear and panic overcame her and slowly everything went black pink. Insert fun little divider graphic here!


Aragorn approached the chained figure with caution, Legolas at his side, carefully nocking an arrow. Aragorn went over to the wall and found the keys to the chains. Slowly they lowered her down onto a high-grade Gondorian surgical table. Hold up, now—! It’s time for one more:

“How could one do this to not kill a lady Sue so simpering and one so young as every other one we’ve methodically murdered this month?” Legolas asked of Aragorn before shooting his arrow between the paragraphs.

“Legolas go look a Legolas go look? Whazzat? Can I get one? for a close stream we need to get her wounds clean and put in another paragraph.”

“There is just one over the hill” Legolas said before realizing that he’d forgotten end his sentence and was to be saved from eternal “said”ness by the Sporker. Who also added another paragraph.

He laid her gently down next to the stream while Legolas retrieved medical supplies his dagger. Aragorn slowly started to clean her wounds.
The coolness of the water bringing her back to the world of the waking and startling away all thoughts of proper sentence structure. Her eyes fluttered open and she let out a short gasp as she realized that her pancreas was missing. She flew back as if his touch burned burned? Burned what? only to hit someone’s else’s dagger feet. She tilted her head up and an ear piercing scream erupted from her mouth, causing him to cover his ears quickly because of her speshul magikul screaming powers, activated only when her head was tilted up. She scrambled to her feet and tried to run but to no avail for her arms were in the hold of strong hands, not to mention the chain. She followed the hand hand? What happened to the other one? to its owner. He was tall and lean holding her pancreas in his other hand. He also had blonde hair, untrusting blue eyes, and pointed ears Didn’t see that one comin’... Her eyes widened realizing he was an elf clearly homicidal, as well as joined at the hip to the Other One. She struggled to break free, but could go nowhere without her pancreas. “Stop squirming for for what? I’m not letting go of your pancreas.” She immediately stopped her wiggling and he loosened his grip dropped the pancreas. She took a moment to access the situation using her handy-dandy Middle-earth laptop to surf over to the ‘Mary Sues Anonymous’ homepage. She was missing her pancreas, didn’t know where she was, and there where two armed males the odds were against her so she decided to do what was asked of her for the most part. Umm… what? Time for a new paragraph!

“What is your name?” the one in front of her asked. She looked him over, pondering whether or not to go for the pancreas. He was pretty tall nice build and shoulder black/brown hair. And exactly what is a pretty-tall-nice-build-and-shoulder? Is a Legolas go look one of these? His eyes, though stern, were gentle and welcoming. What about untrusting…? Oh, wait… **facedesk** Though he was rough around the edges, he had a kind feel to him. His tunic was elven silk… oop, time for another…

“He asked your name” the elf hissed in her ear through his teeth. Oh, jeez.

Legolas. Min aniro hen na edro am al nifred nin” Aragorn said in the same foreign tongue as when he found her. Which means: ‘stab the Sue before she gets her pancreas back!’ In response Legolas only glared daggers at him and responded in the same language but with an icy tone “im ceri al estel hen.” That’s a tone? I think it denotes: ‘I want not only the pancreas, but her other vital organs.’ It’s a very efficient tongue. Oop, time again!

“Please tell us your name child.” What’s a name child? Aragorn tried again, before inserting yet another one.

“I am no child and why should I tell you my name when you have with held your own?” she spat. He let out a laugh before ripping out her spleen and handing it to Legolas. It wasn’t hallowed but one filled with humor satanic undertones. Time again:

“I, my good lady, am Aragorn and the one behind you holding your spleen and pancreas is Legolas.” She hesitated for a moment looking into his eyes finding only what she found before. And that was… that it was time for another paragraph.

“Why should I trust you? You’re a blatant SUE!! Without a spleen or pancreas!Oh, time again… How many is it now? Fifteen, I think…

“Release her,” Aragorn sighed, then went to his pack and brought out a spare tunic, also of elven silk, leggings, and cloak. He handed to her along with the soap and salve. “You can go down the river and wash. You will feel better once I replace your internal organs. When you are done, put this on your wounds and then come back. I may have convinced Legolas to give back the pancreas and spleen, and, by then, we shall have food ready <s>by then</s>.” Aragorn instructed while pointing along the river bank. Oye. I don’t even know…She took the stuff There’s ‘stuff’ in Middle-earth? Like… ‘stuff’…? and timidly started walking in the direction he pointed. Once out of earshot Legolas turned back to his companion. “What if she runs?” “Then we’ll put in another paragraph.”

“You can still see her can you not?” Yet again…

“Well yes but” That’s scary. A Well Yes But[t]… and another paragraph:

“Good then you can keep an eye on her.” Legolas’s eyes widened with disbelief but soon turned to a glare then he turned to keep watch the retreating figure of the girl, along with her internal organs and the world’s supplies of commas. “Do not worry my friend she will not run she is too frightened and weak. I also forgot to close off my little speech, so I’ll continue speaking for a bit. Or I could end with another paragraph.”

Slowly she made her way back to the camp Legolas watching her every move and taking time to study her. She was thin and stood about 5’2. Ummmm… kay… She had long auburn I hear read that word a lot… just what is ‘auburn?’ anmyway... hair and emerald eyes both dull needing the life brought back to them. My head… it hurts… As promised they had food ready. Aragorn handed her a plate and she thanked him as she hesitantly reached for it. Time again…

“Now for you can not come up with a name fro ‘fro! The Sue’s got a ‘fro! us to call you may we inquire as to why you were imprisoned to begin with?” That sentence hurts my head. Much as the last ones… he asked. She swallowed her spleen and pancreas, which Aragorn had just returned to her, and sat still thinking as to where to begin. “I was taken from my village by the riders of Rohan. Their king sent them out in search of young women sues he could have his way with torture to death. When I was brought in he deemed me his favorite for I was the youngest shallowest and most innocent unoriginal among them. For months he tried to bed stab me but to no avail, because of my speshul evasive powerz. He became angry with me my suethor and so locked sent me away to find an assassin up until the time I chose to succumb to his wishes. I don’t remember how long I was there and then wandering about until you came showed up.” She finished finally looking up and into his eyes. “You have given me no reason not to trust you and your companion.” This was because they were both highly trained by the Sue Killers Anonymous brigade. “Thank you for everything. Arimina.” Aragorn gave her a quizzical look, wondering why she was skipping out so soon. “ My name is Arimina but please call me ‘Mina , because I like strangers to know all my nicknames.Time for another paragraph.

By this time the sun had sunk low into the sky. “ sleep now ‘Mina for we travel at first light.” Aragorn spoke with a kind smile. Wait, they’re taking her with them now? She settled herself down sleep Is that some kind of bed? The down sleep? soon taking her. Aragon turned to Legolas and plainly saw shock written in eyes (because, not only did he lose the organs, but he would now have to feed a simpering little git. One who stole his breakfast organs.) before he turned to take first watch leaving the camp in order to relive his frustration by killing anything pink or sparkly he found.


Legolas. Min aniro hen na edro am al nifred nin-- Legolas we want her to oen up not fear us And... oen means...?

"im ceri al estel hen"-- I do not trust her Me neither.

This is my first fanfic so please don't hate to much just tell me what you like and hate so that i can become a better writter. I’d like to become a better writter, too…

Okay,this last part almost made me feel bad, but she raped my canon, and so must die. Wouldn't be so bad without the **pukes** almost humourous anticomma usage and... oye, it hurts so much...

I think I put in… twenty-one new paragraphs?
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